In Honor of My Grandfather

Last month, my grandfather went to be with Jesus.

My family and I knew it was coming for four months. While that doesn't make losing someone you love easier, it felt really kind of God to give us that time to prepare our hearts.

To be honest, in the last four months of his life, I spent more one on one time with him than I ever had before.

When I visited him in February, once we realized he was never coming home from assisted care, I held his hand for the first time in my adult life. As soon as I did, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "it won't be long now". I didn't expect to have four beautiful months with him, but I knew I wanted to sit with him and hold his hand as much as I could.

Every other week, I made the hour drive to visit him. To be with him, with no expectation that he would know or remember me or know my name.

During our time together, there was a softening that happened in my heart. Holding his hand healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing. It was the greatest privilege and highest honor of my life.

I realize now that the time we had was as much for me as it was for him. God taught me a deeper meaning of love. Showing up to simply 'be' with him, to listen and pray. Meeting him where he was and not expecting anything more than what he had to offer. Holding his hand through one of the most challenging times of his life. And getting to sing to him and even share a song I had recently written.

The last time I visited him one on one, he could barely talk. But he squeezed my hand and said "my girl" and he said the word “shopping”. I asked him if he was shopping for a crown to give Jesus, and he said yes. What a beautiful image that is.

Holding his hand was my greatest joy and one of the most important assignments I will ever do this side of heaven. With a smile on my face and a tear in my eye, I can look back over that time and say that God did more in 4 months than I had done in 31 years.